I honestly don't know how this blog is going to work out, as I have made blogs before, specifically on blogspot, which I have ended up either deleting or just forgetting about them and never using them. I really hope this one turns out differently. I really do. I have kept diaries before; the one I wrote last year actually got my thoughts straight a lot of the time, just helped me keep track of my feelings, and also, I'm happy I did it because I can now look in it, reread the stories and little notes I've made in it, and just remember it all happening, remembering what my perspective was back then, what it is now, and comparing them.
Part of the reason I made this blog is because I have been using tumblr for quite a while now, and I dont feel like I can express myself on it anymore. It was a lot easier back when I first got the hang of tumblr - posted what I felt like posting, rebloging anything thatwas similar to what I was actually feeling. Now, I'm still a big fan of tumblr, I still use it, I have 5 blogs (of which I mainly use 2), but I dont feel like its self-expression anymore. I just feel like I'm blogging just to gain followers, have a nice blog to look at, have a nice theme, a good playlist, but I am constantly thinking about what other people are going to think of it. Almost none of my posts mean anything to me anymore. I dont even listen to the type of music on there. I am trying to change all of this. I really am, but it's proving to be harder than I first thought it would be. It's slowly getting better, but in the mean time, I just thought it'd be easier to start over - on a new website, not public, where I can just spill my heat out, and nobody would care about it. Where nothing needs to fit in with the other posts, where nothing needs to be perfect. So I really hope this project of mine will turn out to be pure, ray, and tender 'me'.
This is my anthem. This is me.
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